intention was to play tennis

but we didn't, we discussed our future, well our job future, specifically his job future. In his business it's so uncertain, it's great money, if you're working 40 hour work weeks. He wants to start his own business again, but would need a partner, so that brings us back to square one (starting the business previously with his brother was a disaster). Anyway, at least we had a good conversation, right? Tonight it's either tennis or the HS football game...

On the way home last night picked up some purple hair dye for the teenager - it's just spray in and will wash out - I need to try it! I think I'm going to go back to full blonde and use some funky spray in stuff when I get the urge for some color. Of course no one cares about this except ME! Being broke has me struggling how to get my hair done - I refuse to use a box color again and fuck it up... highlights are too expensive so I emailed my hair dresser about just getting one all over color, that's gotta be cheaper since it takes less time... *please let me have a decent commission check so I can get this done! - will know tomorrow*

I am trying to figure out why I started following all these weight loss blogs... (okay and 2 porn blogs) I think in the beginning it was to get healthier receipes for my family. Most of the struggles I started to read about had nothing to do with weight loss, they were the same struggles I go through and now I feel "connected" to these people to see how they are making the differences that need to be made, and maybe I can adopt some of those changes...

so far so good

Last night I thought the muscle relaxant wasn't working - I didn't feel any better. Took 2 advil PM and knocked myself out. So far so good today - a little sore, but nothing like yesterday. Mentioned to b/f we should play some light tennis, probably a BAD idea, but I'm sick of sitting on my ass... haven't started missing volleyball yet, but I'm sure that'll happen soon. Hoping that there is an affordable league (and a decent location) that my teammates will find for us for fall/winter. I was moping around a lot last year when I couldn't afford to play at all for 6 months... maybe that's my addiction?!

happy place - need it now!

Love the pink hat! I'm not catching anything, yet, but still having fun...

Why do I insist on taking pics AFTER we've played? We're sweaty (okay, not me, I don't sweat, remember that 33% effort thing?) and stinky I'm sure...

Speaking of crap, my camera started to crap out at this point - the flash wasn't working on the v-ball flash and the lighting was too bright for the first one.

I need to go to my happy place right now (my back is killing me), which unfortunately does not include muscle relaxers. 3 places: fishing with the boyfriend, or playing volleyball, or being at the beach...

This will my first time trying to post pics (god help us all)...

if it's my eyes or my back then shoot me

That volleyball tourney was 2 weeks ago, I was sore the next day... haven't played tennis or anything now since then and now I'm in pain. Took 6 advil last night just to get to sleep. The stiffness and pain was unbearable yesterday... do I slowly start to excerise again or what?

*big sigh*

This happens every time after a tournament, funny, I thought was in better shape at this point...

ass ugly. broke ass.

I'm just going to stop looking at it. Better for all involved.

I have been living paycheck to paycheck since I was 18. However at 18 I had no debt. Then I met my ex-husband who told me I needed to establish credit. For what? I lived 3 blocks from the beach in a rental, I was happy, I was fed and had no bills. Jump to 15 years later, he quits/gets fired from job after job. We are always in debt. STRESSED 24/7. Obviously we are not a team if you can't keep a job. Divorced for many reasons. Crawl my way out of destroyed credit.

New b/f last 6 years - his job is in the construction industry. Never know how many hours he will work per week. Always in debt, stressed 24/7. In love. We are a team, we'll figure this shit out.

4000 texts

It's Friday... nice! Let's see if I can be 100% recovered this weekend so I can enjoy SOMETHING. My sore throat won't go away. F you throat.

Last night B/F and I went to Hobby Lobby to walk around a bit - really, I just wanted to check out the fall/halloween stuff. I got excited, a little too excited, my arms stretched out to the sides walking down the aisle ("ahhhhhhhhhhhAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"). Come to me my baby pumpkins, all pretty and sparkly with more beads this year and more designs. I bought nothing. I am PACING myself. Gordman's has some good shit this year, and I'm sure Michael's does too. I think retail departments are realizing how much WE want more fall/halloween decorations. Or just ME. Whatever.

Teenager daughter a.k.a. lindsay lohan a.k.a 80 year old smoker spent the night at a friend's. Bad idea. Lost her voice. At home now drinking tea (hopefully) and NOT TALKING. Is that possible for a teenager? Dad cut her phone off btw, went over the minutes (he had a $600 phone bill)... she's averaging 4000 texts a WEEK. Hopefully she's applying herself at school this well too.

diseases or deaths in 3's

Good luck must be coming my way soon. I have been through my "ass ivy" (thanks Allan) (which by the way is FINALLY starting to clear up, now I just look like a burn victim with new skin), 3 eye doctor appointments (another one this Saturday) (how pathetic I must look to my pretty eye doctor every time, ass ivy on my legs (good for her I didn't show her my ass last time, but trust me, I mentioned it), old granny glasses on, my roots showing, blowing my nose constantly because of allergies...), and suffering through a cold this week. How attractive I must be to the B/F.

This is IT, right?! I am done, right?! for f's sake...

Teenager had a blast at homecoming, however she ended up with a cold for 3 days and so did her friends. Life lesson when she's 18 and sneaking into clubs and has to recover the next day. I never snuck into clubs at 18, I was too chicken to get a fake ID. So instead I hopped into a cab down in Mexico and rolled to TJ and got my ass slapped by Mexicans while we were walking to clubs. MUCH SAFER. Actually it was, probably not now, but then, during the 80's, it was a blast.

poison

Poison motherf*ckin' Ivy.

Up to 8 weeks to heal? Are you KIDDING me????

B/F's birthday

The rash just IS. Not worse, not better *sigh*.

B/F's birthday today and we're broke *sigh*.

Swamped at work *sigh*.

Back is sore from tournament *sigh*.

Happy with life? ABSOLUTELY. ;)

back at work

Rash is better, I think... I don't really know - the one under my ass I lined with PEN so I can see if it's spreading (lovely, eh?).

Busy at work, now tired... catching up on blog reading.

working from home today

Youngest daughter is sick... boss not happy (he's stressed out when I'm not there and his wife gets pissy LOL - oh well!). Didn't realize they would be forwarding some customer calls directly to my number at home, so of course I wasn't answering any of them.

Volleyball tourney yesterday was okay. We had a 6 team pool - getting ready to play team #5 and one of our guys says he's gotta go, for the day, just like that. I with my big mouth, got pissed (of course) and asked why he was fucking our team over for the tournament "uhhh I just gotta go do something", eventually I just said whatever and walked away trying to find a sub. We played from 9 am to around 4 pm, broke pool (we only lost 1 game out of 10 that morning), but in the late afternoon only ended up probably around 6th or 7th place *sigh* We usually end up at least 3rd. VOTR.com I miss our guy that normally plays on our team - he had to sit out this season because of a neck injury - the guy that replaced him is just an a-hole, a "if there is something better going on" he's doing that instead. F you if you can't be a team player, you jackass. VENTING DONE.

Alright back to work...

football - we lost again...

Still a good game, 45 to 33 (I think)... youngest daughter went with me.

Eye doctor appointment tomorrow. Going to try and use the crock pot tomorrow (only my 2nd attempt) and do some work at home for a few hours... then rest up and pack for the tournament the next day. B/F is working this weekend, and upset with me AGAIN... *sigh*.

Still itching and scratching. Was almost in tears waking up in the middle of the night... I'm so sick of it. :(

never look at rashes on the internet

I decided to google mosquito bite allergy heat rash - NOT A GOOD IDEA. Never do this before dinner. It looks to be what I have - doesn't make me feel any better of course. I guess I need to more careful when out fishing/playing tennis at night/etc... still couldn't sleep last night. Time to buy some Advil PM and knock myself out so I won't scratch. :( No way the welts and everything else will be gone by this Sunday for my tournament - ugh!

rash

Way too busy to post yesteday. Too busy today too, but I just ate lunch so I can take 5 minutes...

I have this gross rash on my knee, under my other knee, and the bottom of my ass - bug bites that I scratched too much in my sleep and this dreaded heat on top of that turned into this gross disgusting rash. In fact, part of rash on the top of my knee was was oozing pus. GROSSSSSSSS. B/F said I got herpes - herpes may be better at this point. It's slowly going away but it's frustrating. I have tried everything to not scratch at night - wrapping a scarf around my leg with an ace bandage on top to "prevent" me from digging in deep. Playing volleyball tonight and I'm going to wear yoga pants in 85 degree weather - it's that or scare my teammates away...

Temporary contact lenses in, eye drops - followup appointment this Saturday. Praying all goes well.

Shopping for a homecoming dress this weekend. Gordmans had dresses for $30 - hopefully they are still there - that will fit into the teenager's budget I have offered her... she already has brand new shoes my mother gave her. (my mom gave us at least 15 pairs of shoes when we visited her on vacation, practically NEW, all valued around $200 for each pair - ha - I buy shoes at Walmart so this was like a gift from God).

End of season volleyball tournmanet this Sunday. I LOVE these tourneys - total fun (yet exhausting), free food, beer, etc (sometimes they even have personal massage therapists there). Weather only supposed to be in the 70's so it will be perfect. Maybe I'll be less herpe-infected at that point... We always kick ass at the tournaments. Should be doing that during league play during the week but we're lazy (or maybe just I am - okay, I KNOW I am).

Doing better at tennis now that I can SEE the frickin' ball.

B/F went dirtbike racing last night. I was worried. And it was justified - he came home hurt, I was pissed, we fought. *sigh*

back in the 130's again

139 this morning.

Football game last night was awesome. We lost in overtime 28 - 35. Making up for those years in HS where I never watched the game, just socialized. I have learned that I am NOT allowed to talk to my daughter during the game, or even glance her way and say hi. Seriously.

B/F is slowly letting me into his good graces again, thank God.

Eye doctor appointment tomorrow morning. Always nervous about that.

Hopefully tennis tonight...

no sore throat, feeling 100%

Which means I'm kickin' some butt at work... which is good, especially since a customer came in to do a review and I better be on my game and not drugged out.

High school teenager's first football game tonight - I think it's bugs her that we're going, but I assured her we would NOT sit by her. lol Last night bought her some mardi gras beads in her HS school colors (of course had to buy EVERY color since they come in packs). Also got her some hair clips and little bows to glue on in her school colors to make for her and her friends. I will support school spirit 100%. Proud of her - it's only been 2 weeks as a freshman but already she's signed up for student council and joined the hiphop breakdancing team. I never joined clubs in school and regretted it - without trying to overbearing I was still letting her know it would be "fun" to go to the club "rush" and check out clubs she may want to join... and make new friends. Hey, I'm just happy she listens to me 50% of the time...

I gave in and bought new sheets last night. In white, ON SALE, for only $20. Can't beat that. I realized our other sheets are such crap because I could only afford polyester (yes, we have been bottom of the barrel broke for a long time). These new sheets are 60% cotton so hey, we're slowly movin' on up in the world.

Big Lots now has $3 DVD's - oh boy, that's a weakness. Walmart's $5 DVD's I could never justify, it was just a little too much. BUT $3! heck - I bought 4. Shoot, when we return a redbox movie too late that's $3 right there. I can justify the shit ouf of anything.

I have apologized to the boyfriend twice now for being such a bitch - I don't know if it's working. I was really outta line. Ugh. I hate myself sometimes. Before my words of evil left my mouth I kept saying, just keep quiet - you don't need to say this crap! But then I was on a roll, and my throat hurt, and I was whiney, and feeling sorry for myself, and every excuse I could think of. Again, I justified it. If he said the things I said to him, to ME, I would have slapped him. That tells you how bad it was.

Our finances will suck this weekend, and it's a 3 day weekend! Crap! Hopefully we will be back to normal and we can still enjoy it. I may get out the autum/fall decorations. When going into Hobby Lobby last night I TRIED to ignore all their fall stuff - but man, it's just SO BEAUTIFUL (seriously, it is, if you're a freak like me) so I thought, I'll look at this stuff, but NOT the Halloween stuff (yeah right).

The teenager wants to have a Halloween party - now I just told the b/f the other day I would not go crazy this year with Halloween. I was so secretly excited she said this because now I have a REASON to go crazy.

Alright back to work...

drugged up

I gave in and drugged up on cold medicine last night... and today. I swear that tylenol cold PM does NOT work as well as dayquil... normally nyquil will knock my ass out within 20 minutes. The tylenol cold PM never did kick in but at least it helped my sore throat. I watched one of my favorite movies again, Elizabeth, while trying to doze off in bed. My ex and I had decided after seeing that movie that if we ever had another daughter that would be her name... and it happened. Such a great inspirational movie.

I did not end up getting a new comforter... I looked at a few at Walmart but realized if I bought the cheap set they would end up like crap just like the other ones I purchased. I almost thought about buying an expensive set at Sam's Club but instead did some food shopping. Good thing too because the b/f has been off 3 days from work this week and my commission check was half of what I thought it would be so this wouldn't have been in our budget anyway. Okay, it wasn't really in our budget to begin with but I'm sick and wanted new sheets damnit - whine whine whine. Actually, I figured if I can just get some new pillow cases that might do the trick.

I'm wussin' out and skipping volleyball tonight. Hopefully they found a sub for me. Normally, when drugged up, I would convince myself I felt good enough to go play for 2 1/2 hours... but really, I'm trying to be smart about it this time and just take my ass home after work and get into bed. Trying to be smart at 41 - amazing!