what a turkey

Well, my neck that is... I don't know what's happening, but it's been happening for the last year - my skin is getting wrinkled and kinda droopy there. In fact, when I look at it (after I mentally SCREAM) it looks like a guy lifting up his balls. LOVELY! I have neck-balls! Ugh - gross. I bought the neckline slimmer at Christmas. Used it for a few days then stopped. I started again this Monday with determination! Please God let it work...

I didn't get away with it

What a mistake - to eat that Carl's Jr meal - I was up until 1:30 am. Why do I think my stomach can ever handle that kind of food??? Ugghhh!

where's the green?

so I "splurged" today and printed off a $1 coupon online and went to Carl's Jr for a combo meal - when I do this I don't eat dinner since it's so much food (and normally I can't even finish the combo meal). Coupon was for the grilled cheese bacon burger. with fries. with a coke. After finishing I realized something didn't taste right, something was missing. No lettuce, no tomato, nada. Am I actually MISSING having vegetables? Normally this meal would be such a "treat" but now I feel BLAH. and I know my stomach will be payin' for it later.

I live in fear

There are more things…that frighten us than injure us, and we suffer more in imagination than in reality

- Seneca
Roman philosopher, statesman and dramatist
c 4 B.C. - AD 65

hovering

I'm now hovering at 135/136. When nothing else is comforting at least looking at the scale helps!

My highest weight was 145. I haven't weighed less than 139 since before my last child was born (NINE YEARS AGO!).

letting go

When is it time to let a child go and be their own person and make their own decisions???

renewed

Okay, not totally renewed but getting there. Scratched my eye, in pain, blah blah blah (this was yesterday). Problems with the kids, blah blah blah. Later in the evening I decided to try to actually play one line from ONE song on the guitar (guitar I bought for the b/f 2 years ago that sits in the corner collecting dust). Let's just say when I learned to play piano back in elementary school it probably took me 6 months AT LEAST to learn to play The Love Boat. I am tone deaf, I can't listen to a song and pick out the instruments, or play by ear. Okay, plain and simple, I am NOT musical. I am a by-the-numbers analytical person, not a feely-go-with-it and be in tune with the music person. My "guitar playing" (if we want to call it that) was PATHETIC, but damnit, it was fun. It was even more hilarious having the b/f sit by me listening laughing at me. (and when he grabbed the guitar and played what I played without even looking at the guitar tabs... grrrrrrrrr... I was JEALOUS!) But I had fun, I RELAXED, I am BETTER. weird.

not sure what's wrong

Normally I can figure out what's wrong with me, emotionally and/or physically, and then know what to do to make it better. But not this weekend. Last week I "tweaked" my back (lifting a heavy box) - I'm feeling better even though by the end of the day it hurts. But this weekend I was just drained. I didn't want to get out of bed. I didn't want to do anything, go anywhere. I had no motivation. I couldn't think of anything that would make me happy. I didn't care. I am overwhelmed, but with no desire to make myself better. Is this depression?

circus act

So my money balancing act was always at 99.9%, to the penny. Reworking numbers over and over again to make sure we'd "make it", but yesterday I screwed up. I am scrambling now to make sure we're okay.

What is going on? Is it an age thing?

being a baby

back pain and/or bladder infections. both make me cry like a baby. no exceptions.

airport pickup

The kids came back home yesterday. I arrived at the airport 1 1/2 hours early however I didn't park and go into the airport until 1 hour before arrival so I could save money on parking. I thought ahead about this. Security took forever. I arrived at the gate 15 minutes early. Perfect I thought. Did I check the screen to make sure their plane would be at the gate the ticket agent wrote down for me? nooooooooooooooo... I was paged a few times that the kids were at a different gate at the other end.

Just when I thought I would avoid a mishap and really plan ahead, once again I didn't think of checking EVERYTHING first.

What the hell is wrong with me.