Friday, January 28, 2011

good news, finally

interview this morning:

went GREAT
more $
better benefits
20 minute commute compared to my hour right now
in-house massages every other week - sweet! (yeah, when he asked do you like massages I thought where is this interview going?!)

will work on saturday and probably 2 half days during the week to make the transition from this office to that office... (my boss is retiring end of May) and to make sure we all MESH at this new place, but I think we will. I am 99% sure we will.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

V-day swap

Yep, love Valentine's Day (as you can tell I already got a head start on making the hearts to sell and for friends/family). Of course I also love that my birthday is 2 days later... ;)

This swap should be fun!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

20 minutes of sadness

That's all I had yesterday (last night) - thank the Lord above.

I talked to a potential new employer for about 30 minutes yesterday. We have an initial interview Friday morning. Pretty much the same thing I'm doing now but more selling (I think). Not what I originally wanted to do however this guy is one of the top 100 agents in all of Colorado (been an agent for 24 years) so it would be stable. Anyway, we gotta see if we mesh, the price is right and have a trial run (maybe 1/2 day a week for a while since I'm really not available until June). I pretty much told him I will be completely honest about what I want/don't want/etc - he was happy to hear that. I told the b/f it's just cause I'm old now and don't give a shit and have no intention on kissing ass for a job (which is kinda shitty to say in this economy I suppose). This new location would also cut my commute time in half. Anyway, I'm not excited about it but hey, it's an opportunity and we'll see what happens.

The COOL thing is however is that there is a LOT of v-ball leagues in his area... and he mentioned Kerri Walsh's (AVP player - sand) relative (uncle maybe) is an agent too (in CA of course) and that's how he got a signed volleyball by Kerri and I said, "ohhhhhhhhhhh hmmmm now THAT is an incentive" he said, yeah, he could hook me up. Again, entice Cindy with signed AVP crap and food - that's all I need. ;)

So onward I go...

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

I laughed

I laughed at something stupid on the radio this morning, on the way to work. Hearing my own laughter caught me off guard. I mean, I've laughed at home of course with the b/f because he is hilarious. I needed him yesterday at work - just for some hugs and comfort. I kinda feel like that lost puppy that needs to be around their owner 24/7 to feel secure. Yuck. Anyway, it felt like a breakthrough - laughing on my own. Maybe this cloud is lifting.

I have a customer, Leo, who is very funny and a truck driver with a very heavy spanish accent. When talking to him over the phone I can barely understand him. The last couple of times I've talked to him he's ended it by saying, "okay I love you Cinnnnndy!". uhhh Okay! Yesterday I answered back Okay I love you too Leo! That made me smile. It was lame and obviously not really professional but who gives a shit. I should have asked his g/f the other day, does Leo say he loves EVERYONE? He also said he'd hook me up with a free tattoo, but I'm a big baby so I doubt I'll ever take him up on that offer.

Please TODAY, be BETTER.

Monday, January 24, 2011


Tired of this, tired of that. Tired. Can't sleep... body aches... stress I know.

At least one day on the weekend is devoted to crafts (since at this point I have nothing else to do).

Made some smaller $5 hearts and some $10 moon/star ornaments.
Ummm I need to start selling some soon! Otherwise I'll have no $ to buy more supplies. At least I'll be well stocked for craft shows this summer (me being optimistic).

Thought I was doing okay today until the school district called to say my youngest had been accepted to transfer to a new school for next year but of course they were notified that she moved, but "in case she moves back" she still qualifies and then I started to cry. JHC - enough already!

Friday, January 21, 2011

tired of crying

Really, I am. My crying is not continuous, just on and off. An overwhelming I'm never going to get through this, things will never get better, feeling. Sheesh. I'm TIRED of having this feeling every few months. I am scared.

But I'm not a p*ssy. Does that make sense?

I wish volleyball was going on so I could play against some a**hole. That always makes me feel better.

And life goes on...

Thursday, January 20, 2011

bottomed out?

Still no job for b/f - going on a month now.


The job I thought I would have after my boss retired end of may is not available. Not enough room in the new district manager's budget to hire me. great.

Then my aunt calls and leaves a message at home last night. I call her from work. My mother had one sibling, my uncle who died about 8 years ago. This is his wife. I haven't talked to her or any of the family really since the funeral. We do exchange Christmas cards. In fact I have no verbal contact with any extended family. After my grandparents died my mother didn't make an effort to keep in contact which means as I kid I stopped seeing cousins, etc.

My aunt is worried about my mother's health and mental well-being. To me it's not new news but to her it's shocking. We talked for a good 40 minutes. She doesn't understand why my mother doesn't call me, fly out to see me, says that she doesn't have any money, etc. I tell her I've accepted the fact that my mother isn't who I want her to be, she's just who she is and I've accepted it. My aunt doesn't understand - she's got a huge family, loves her kids & grandkids - does anything and everything to see them be with them. So hearing about what I don't get just made me MORE depressed than I already am. I had to stop from crying. I told her I was always jealous of her family. :( Anyway, when I visit So Cal this summer I'll arrange to see her somehow (she's in Santa Cruz). *big sigh*

Really, I don't feel like I can handle anymore - guess God has other plans though 'cause he just keeps giving me more...

Monday, January 17, 2011

What I've been working on...

Sheep - cute and durable!


moose - finally a batch of moose that didn't end up breaking... those skinny legs were a problem

hearts for Valentine's Day

newly painted craft room


All ornaments are $10 each...
I need to make some money! lol

Thursday, January 6, 2011

back to numb

Well I didn't cry yesterday, that's good right? I'm back to numb again.

Not sure why I can never remember when the spring volleyball session starts - I think it's April. 4 months. *sigh* wayyyyyyyy toooooooooo long.

We needed a new starter for the pickle. $242 plus tax. Next is a new windshield. I said to the B/F, your brother is going to reimburse right? "right". surrrrrrreeeeeeeeee.

Job opportunities in the mix for the B/F - possibly a future foreman position with of course some painting too. I think he would enjoy this. He's a good people person and has that management personality and can be a charmer with the homeowners too.

Saturday is salon day - it's been 3 months since I had my roots done. I've been wearing ponytails every day for a month because my hair looks so shitty. I purposely made sure to set aside part of commission check to pay for it. And order new contacts. And fix the pickle... and well poof it's gone already!

Wednesday, January 5, 2011


Last night the B/F painted the "new" craft room which is actually the little one's old room. I wanted a teal color - he got some free paint from his buddies - it's more of a green than blue but I really like it - and it's lighter. I have a framed surfer poster (pipeline I think). 2 more frames I'm going to spraypaint silver and throw some surfers in there. Will bring up my newly formed shell collection from the basement to put on the wall (not sure what design yet). Will be pretty when I'm done...

Yesterday he drove down and we dropped the "pickle", that POS van from his brother, off at the repair shop. I think it needs a new ignition switch. My stomach is in knots thinking about the cost. B/F is still job hunting... repair shop just called, of course the pickle starts perfectly for them every time.

Teenager gets out early on Wednesdays from High School. Her and friends are going to McD's after school then home to practice cheer - 3 girls, or maybe 4 now, are going out for the squad I think sometime in March.

Work is busy - which is good - it keeps me from crying.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011


The little one "floating" down Boulder creek (yes, the day that I got ass-ivy).
Both of us can fit on this huge turtle...



The last one I made was back in high school to water my plants. Think I kept it? We have NO real plants in the house. It's hard enough to "water" the hermit crab.

There are fun things I want to try though. Like "real tubing" down some of our rivers - we've kinda done the floaty thing for like 50 yards, but not actually tubed down the whole thing. Mainly because the little one was too little - this year the teenager will probably want to go with friends I'm sure. And when her twin and the little one come out for the summer we can try it (little one now has a life jacket). I would like to try white water rafting too - I know I will scream the whole way but it looks fun. I get jealous when we're out fishing and see the rafters.

I also need to increase my arm strength. I have none. This would make a huge difference when hitting the ball (both volleyball and tennis) and serving. I can "place" a hit (in v-ball) and score a point but really I'd like to ram it down someone's throat. Especially at some asshole guy that is on at least ONE team every league-session or tournament.

*big sigh*


Was going to post yesterday afternoon, but then my little one called from her Dad's house. After about 5 minutes of talking to her I started getting weepy, then started crying (and trying not to SOUND like I was crying - that works real well doesn't it?) and finally said I needed to get back to work. I didn't want to her to hear me. After that I was just a mess and went into the bathroom and bawled. Once again when I got home I was just numb. I don't know if I made the right decision.

Talked to my mother (who lives in CA) and hasn't been doing well healthwise for the past couple of years - she fell at home, hit her head on the hardwood floors, but she's "okay". She's not okay.

The POS van won't start most mornings - probably needs a new starter per the B/F. Cool, $ we don't have.

Anyway, after all that I was ready to say, F it! I don't care! Just do whatever!

Today I've got jazz playing instead of my regular 80's music - just trying to keep this a mellow day.