bottomed out?

Still no job for b/f - going on a month now.

TODAY:

The job I thought I would have after my boss retired end of may is not available. Not enough room in the new district manager's budget to hire me. great.

Then my aunt calls and leaves a message at home last night. I call her from work. My mother had one sibling, my uncle who died about 8 years ago. This is his wife. I haven't talked to her or any of the family really since the funeral. We do exchange Christmas cards. In fact I have no verbal contact with any extended family. After my grandparents died my mother didn't make an effort to keep in contact which means as I kid I stopped seeing cousins, etc.

My aunt is worried about my mother's health and mental well-being. To me it's not new news but to her it's shocking. We talked for a good 40 minutes. She doesn't understand why my mother doesn't call me, fly out to see me, says that she doesn't have any money, etc. I tell her I've accepted the fact that my mother isn't who I want her to be, she's just who she is and I've accepted it. My aunt doesn't understand - she's got a huge family, loves her kids & grandkids - does anything and everything to see them be with them. So hearing about what I don't get just made me MORE depressed than I already am. I had to stop from crying. I told her I was always jealous of her family. :( Anyway, when I visit So Cal this summer I'll arrange to see her somehow (she's in Santa Cruz). *big sigh*

Really, I don't feel like I can handle anymore - guess God has other plans though 'cause he just keeps giving me more...