update

Mom is better - 3 full meals a day, walking with a walker, working out at the gym in the nursing home.  Eventually it looks like she'll go to an assisted living place.  She has friends visiting her and I send a fax every couple of days to her.  Her memory is not all there - this is the sad part, I don't think she'll ever be able to go back to her house again.  Thank God for my dad, her ex-husband, who lives close by, is taking care of the financial affairs.  He visits her weekly and even his girlfriend has come along.  Amazing how open my mom is now to visitors and getting help...

I am doing okay.  I'm not on constant break-down mode.  I do have those moments, especially when I'm alone, where I miss my kids, my mother, etc.  But then I have to remember I didn't lose my kids, they chose to live with their Dad - I had many years with me being the primary sole parent.   I talk to my one daughter every few days.  She was the one that had left first... maybe it just takes a while for that bond to be reestablished.  Heck, the twins will be 18 in a year and a half, going to college, on their own and free to go where they want.  I just have to hang in there.  With my mother I think my crying is because I am relieved that she is doing better and we're not on "death alert".  

I feel like my brain is back in work mode again.  My boss had told me just to focus on customer service, not sales, because I was barely hanging in there and sorta "spacey".  I agreed with him, it was hard to hear, but it was true.  This week I made a few sales and I'm more focused now.  

Wasn't sure how I'd feel during Halloween with no kids around.  I did okay.  We barely had any trick or treaters (I think because our community is still on high alert even after Jessica Ridgeway's killer turned himself in).  Just this morning in my neighborhood there was another attempted child abduction.  

Told the b/f I don't care about Thanksgiving - we can even just skip it.  Not sure about Christmas - may visit his family in Ohio/PA.  

I am now a wine drinker!  Dad's g/f had given me some when I was out there during the mom crisis.  Was pretty good.  I've purchased my 3rd bottle.  A little wine at night, some cheese & crackers and I'm relaxed.  I need to eat better.  I could live on snack foods 24/7.  With no kids at home the fridge is practically empty and I have no desire to cook (okay, I have never desired to cook just had to before).

Been working on my art... this weekend will go to home depot and see if I can buy some sheet metal to use as a frame around the pieces...