Tuesday, August 28, 2012

what if it's worse than lemons?

I am home today.  I can't keep food down.  I think I am having a nervous breakdown (but would I be able to post if I really was?).

Within 3 days my life turned upside down, again.  My last daughter decided to live with her father.  That means I now have NO children at home.  It's like death with no closing, no funeral, just endless what-if's.  I question my parenting skills.  I question whether I am a worse parent than her father.  That what I did, rather, did not do... which is NOT hop on the destructive family bandwagon without a thought to everyone else involved, was the right thing. 

No, I know it was right.  I will not crucify people off hearsay.  I will not destroy a family off hearsay.  So even though I did what I think is right, and I don't question it, I still lose.  I live my life with FULL HONESTY and a 100% sense of self now.  And I STILL LOSE.  I battle lies and deceit and plans-in-the-making and yet, once again, I STILL LOSE.  How does this happen?  Am I horrible for just giving in?  For not fighting a battle I cannot win? 


  1. Wow, this is really tough, so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I hope that you find a way through it that is constructive for everyone involved.

    Rest and take it easy, this is tough stuff. Hang in there.

  2. I am trying to hang in there. Thank you.