I am home today. I can't keep food down. I think I am having a nervous breakdown (but would I be able to post if I really was?).
Within 3 days my life turned upside down, again. My last daughter decided to live with her father. That means I now have NO children at home. It's like death with no closing, no funeral, just endless what-if's. I question my parenting skills. I question whether I am a worse parent than her father. That what I did, rather, did not do... which is NOT hop on the destructive family bandwagon without a thought to everyone else involved, was the right thing.
No, I know it was right. I will not crucify people off hearsay. I will not destroy a family off hearsay. So even though I did what I think is right, and I don't question it, I still lose. I live my life with FULL HONESTY and a 100% sense of self now. And I STILL LOSE. I battle lies and deceit and plans-in-the-making and yet, once again, I STILL LOSE. How does this happen? Am I horrible for just giving in? For not fighting a battle I cannot win?