open faced toasted sandwich

My favorite thing to eat at home - last night - sourdough bread, avocado, tomato, red onion and melted cheese... and fruit (I think it was a nectarine but not positive - who cares, it was good). Kids and I watched a couple of episodes of Jackass - their first time. Teenager kept covering her eyes, 10 year old was into (I could see her trying a bunch of the stunts).

3 hours to go! Leaving a hour early today - 10 year old's fall/halloween festival thing (I hate going, but she likes it). They'll serve pizza soda and a cookie - gross.

Fifty questions

stole from http://drfattyfindsfitness.blogspot.com

1. What time did you get up this morning? 6:10 am

2. How do you like your steak? medium rare

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Devil - b/f's choice, I kicked him after

4. What is your favorite TV show? Hell's Kitchen, Glee, Gray's & Hoarders

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be??? Love it here, but miss the beach, can I do both?

6. What did you have for breakfast? grape nuts

7. What is your favorite cuisine? german

8. What foods do you dislike? green peppers & liver

9. Favorite Place to Eat? Cafe Berlin

10. Favorite dressing? poppyseed at the moment...

11. What kind of vehicle do you drive? Isuzu Rodeo

12. What are your favorite clothes? shorts or yoga pants and tank top

13. What is your favorite number? 8 (you can make a snowman out of it!)

15. Where would you want to retire? retire... HA HA HA... sure....

16. Favorite time of day? 10 am, at home

17. Where were you born? Long Beach, CA

18. What is your favorite sport to watch? volleyball

19. How many siblings? none

20. Favorite pastime/hobby? volleyball, tennis and crafty stuff... and sex

22. Bird watcher? ummm if there is a bird in front of me?

23. Are you a morning person or a night person? middle of the day person

24. Do you have any pets? hermit crab, bearded dragon, 2 fish & 2 guinea pigs

25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? no

26. What did you want to be when you were little? a singer or a professional ping pong player

27. What is your best childhood memory? going to the beach with friends

28. Are you a cat or dog person? either, i don't care, as long as they stay in a cage. j/k sorta

29. Are you married? no (SORE SUBJECT!) - 6 years living with b/f

30. Always wear your seat belt? duh

31. Been in a car accident? yes

32. Any pet peeves? belching

33. Favorite Pizza Toppings? olives, sausage, mushrooms

34. Favorite Flower? hmmm wild flowers? anything but roses

35. Favorite ice cream? Ben&Jerry's Cherry Garcia

36. Favorite fast food restaurant? in-n-out

37. How many times did you fail your driver's test? never

38. From whom did you get your last email? a customer

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? pier 1

40. Do anything spontaneous lately? will get back to you on that one

41. Like your job? for the first 2 hours

42. Broccoli? good

43. What was your favorite vacation? they're all about the same...

44. Last person you went out to dinner with? b/f, but I don't remember when (sad!)

45. What are you listening to right now? talk radio

46. What is your favorite color? blue

47. How many tattoos do you have? nada

49. What time did you finish this quiz? 4:46 pm

50. Coffee Drinker? every other day

pumpkins replaced

Work was too busy this week (still is) for posting here... I don't hop on the computer at home since I'm sick of working on it during the day.

Last night teenager and I made shrimp with avocado salad and some pizza rolls on the side - not enough salad for her, me and B/F so we threw the pizza rolls in there - I had 4. I love them. Therefore, only 4! Salad was awesome (mom, why don't we eat more shrimp? uhhh cause you used to hate them until about a year ago).

Did I mention our pumpkins were stolen? maybe that was Facebook... that's what happens when you live in the hood I guess - couldn't afford to buy more but my boss was nice enough to bring 2 large pumpkins, 2 small ones, and a huge garbage bag of hay to work today - what a great surprise this morning! His church is selling them so he must of jacked some for me (does a churchgoer do that?!). He said the hay was for my "artistic ability" - I've been wanting hay for a LONG time to decorate with - awesome!

Teenager had another career day thingy Monday night - had a great time since it was basically the same people as the week before and the cute guy again. Did she LEARN anything? are you kidding???!

10 year old went to a pumpkin carving party last night with a friend - friend's mom didn't bring her home until 10 pm (sheesh!) - she got 3rd place and has a pretty cool pumpkin... with a bat carved out.

This weekend - finish up the decorations (half of them blew down - stupid Colorado wind), get candy, get supplies for new business, etc.

eat, don't work!

I eat when I don't want to work - I spent a hour yesterday munching on pretzels and cheese and reading blogs after my boss left because I didn't want to work (okay I took phone calls and stuff but that doesn't really count).

I don't think this is gonna fly at a new job.

I learned for the first time, after 9 years of being here, how to refill the water dispenser. lol but did I actually do it? NO! My boss explained HOW to do it...

This weekend we have to get the emissions tests done on our 2 vehicles. Next Friday, last day of the grace period, we have to register them. Yep, always wait until the VERY LAST DAY. With everything. All my bills. Fun.

I'm dreading cold weather. It's nippy in the morning but I'm still wearing sandals every day, even with these pasty white legs. On the weekends if it's cold I'll wear my flip flops (crocs) and wear socks with them. I decided this was a CA thing (socks and flips) but now seeing more and more people here in CO doing it (or is it just my imagination???). Nice white clean ankle socks I may add...

All repeats this week - what is going on? No Glee, Hell's Kitchen, probably no Gray's tonight - arrrgghhh! I gave up and went to bed at 8:30 last night...

moms cannot do it all

EVER. NEVER EVER EVER. just remember that...

thank you Christina...

From Christina at http://iamsickofbeingasbigasahouse.blogspot.com/ :)

Yeah, I have no idea how to just post someone's name and link to their blog... I'm definitely not the TECHY guru like the B/F is.

7 things about myself (wait, are these supposed to be NEW things?!?!)

1) I dropped out of high school 3 months before graduation, got my GED in 2 1/2 hours and then moved out to a duplex in Huntington Beach 3 blocks from the beach (heaven!) - went to community college for a semester and dropped out of that too. Thought my life was full with just working and playing volleyball... never thought about the future. Funny, both my parents have college degrees - I look back and wonder why they didn't push me, or HELP me towards that goal. Oh well... now I have paid the price.

2) Okay, #1 was too long - let's get to the point. Even though I'm self confident NOW I still doubt myself, secretly, since I was in a 15 year marriage from HELL - if I was so smart and confident back then, in the beginning, why did I stay in it? What if I'm stupid AGAIN and don't realize it?

3) I have no tattoos - I'm too chicken. At 40 I was going to get one, now I guess I'll try again when I turn 50.

4) Weekly I freak out about finances and have mild panic attacks. To medicate myself I'll take an advil PM. So for 20 years I've been having financial panic attacks. Everything always works out, but I always stress. I'm sick of it.

5) I'm scared to be alone once my parents die. I'm an only child.

6) One boob is lower than the other - but I think that's normal. I always forget which boob it is.

7) I'm pretty good at communicating with those that have passed - however previously it was been so DEAD ON that I spooked myself a little... I have quit trying to communicate.

I don't post about religion, politics, SCIENCE, etc

because I don't know enough.

Teenager had her career workshop thing last night in downtown Denver. She was the only freshman there, everyone else was a senior. It was at an interior design place - she felt like she didn't know enough (join the club!) and when making a presentation about the room she designed she was a little embarrassed. She volunteered to the be the first one, and when asked why she picked the colors and design for the "couple" she was assigned (an "older" couple) she said uhhh I picked the colors because I LIKED the colors and old people get cold so I added a fireplace. LOL. That explains it in a nutshell! I guess the seniors were more descriptive than her, but she's only 14, we gotta give her a break. A boy in the group (she wanted to get his phone number - good grief! sounds like her mother) designed a room for a younger couple - he chose red walls and a king side bed since younger couples are basically going to have a lot of sex.

While waiting for her outside (at 8 pm) some crazy homeless guy was pushing his grocery cart singing and preaching. It scared the hell out of my 10 year old - me a little too... eventually the security/door man guy from the building across the way came out and told the homeless guy to move along. Gotta love downtown...

Saturday was chore day. Sunday all of us went to downtown Boulder to walk around and get Christmas ideas... okay, I wanted to get ideas on what I wanted for Christmas. We then had lunch and went to Colorado Mills and walked around. None of us wanted to be home. I think we're sick of being at home again - man, just wait for winter... we'll drive each other crazy!

One of my favorite local places to visit: http://stnicks.com/gallery.php themed room after themed room...

water, poop & power outages

Drank a lot of water over the weekend, pooped a lot (whew!) (and uhh PHEW!)... power outages at work today - computer up and down - too busy to post more.

me.

lack of water

I really only drink it when playing sports, otherwise it's only a few times per week. I have been feeling shitty the last 3 weeks right? I can't shit, when I do, it's rocks, it hurts, I'm lethargic, my body aches, etc... When was my volleyball tournament? Over 3 weeks now?

I feel nauseous today at work - I decided to take my break and go to the bank to deposit my paycheck. I see an empty water bottle rolling around the passenger seat floorboard... oh WATER! Hey Buddy! Haven't seen you in a LONG time! (note: clean out car this weekend).

So I've got that water bottle refilled sitting on my desk, DRINKING IT.

I feel stupid.

I'm going to do it

I'll stay in insurance and fake being gung-ho about it... but I'm going to start something on the side - to nourish my creative side and hopefully make some money at it. My father's aeronautical engineering voice is saying BE RESPONSIBLE!, my mother's hippy (google hippy vs hippie - I couldn't decide...) voice is saying DO SOMETHING FUN AND ARTSY! I'll merge the two.

I have the b/f's full support, in fact, it was his idea...

chinese food

We have it every week - my boss orders it for us. He's had cashew chicken every week for 9 years. Good grief. It's really hard to order stuff that isn't covered in pounds of sauce. Of course my lunch lasts me for 3 days... the amount of food they give you is insane. Today I ordered chicken, snow peas, carrots and I think water chestnuts... and rice. Plain and boring. I'll eat more of it tomorrow and then take a leap and eat the rest on Monday. So far I haven't died eating chinese food 4 days later.

10 year old daughter is with my boss's wife today. She's an incredible seamstress so they're going to make a vampire cape for Halloween. She's like a second mom to me (my mother sews too - lives in CA, sucks not being near her).

I have said F it to my hair. I'm sick of blow drying it and styling it. The last 2 days I used some hair mousse stuff and scrunched it and let it dry naturally. It's wavy - kinda cute - well kinda outta control. Something different at least. Per the b/f, "what the hell happened to your hair???". Damn it's not like freshly f'd hair, it's just wavy!!!!!!!!!!!

I miss watching the miners. I watched Hells Kitchen last night - the drama was nothing compared to the miners...

coke, in a glass & miners & prego porn

Why is it when I see a soda in a glass of ice on TV that I want it so bad - that is must taste like a million bucks? Does it sparkle more? Is it editing or whatever the hell they do to make it look better? Maybe cause it's in HD? I could have a coke right in front of me, freshly poured over huge ice cubes in a clean tall glass and yet I want the one on TV. That one MUST taste better. Kinda like porn. Just kidding.

Speaking of porn - anyone ever seen one with pregnant women? B/F once got a 3 for 1 deal of DVD's - you know they always throw one in you'd never watch... (pregnant women, men doing goats, etc) - well of course I had to watch part of it (he's saying he never did but I know we did together). Pregnant women are BEAUTIFUL, but seeing one get fucked on screen is disturbing. I can't even place a finger on WHY. I kept telling myself I should enjoy SOME part of it, but I couldn't. I wonder if we still have it - I'm sure we do. I think throwing away porn is sacrilegious in some cultures. At least pass it on to someone else.

I've had CNN on all day. I just posted on facebook I'll be watching this at work and at home until the last miner is out - which shoot, should be soon! They just loaded up the 28th miner...

not a lot of time to post - boring ass meeting

Had to go to a meeting at the state office today - how boring can insurance possibly be? I wanted to puncture my own eye with a pen sitting there, or slit my throat, or punch someone at my table - the most commotion I made was my stomach grumbling out loud - I thought for sure they'd have some food there. I don't know if I can still do this as a career... really... I also hated walking in and only about 10% of the group were women.

Finally got the boss to get on CNN and watch the miners rescue - now he's glued and not working. lol - sounds familiar!

*** added: I've been doing insurance for 15 years, so I guess I meant to say CONTINUE to do this as a career... UGH.

miners

Shit! Is anyone watching CNN? I'm watching from work - I don't know when to leave to go home - I don't want to miss anything! Will take me at least one hour to get home... arrggghhh! 7 pm ET, that's 2 hours ahead of uhh Colorado time right?! lol

award

Which I should technically give back to Allan. Maybe I misrepresented myself, maybe he can't read or he thinks I should drop a few pounds.

Whatever you do don't copy my diet today - toast with jam, milk, dr p, doritos, leftover chicken and an ice cream from McD's. I always complain about shitting rocks yet look at what I'm eating today.

I miss vball like you don't even know. I miss tennis. *sigh* I think this is part of my funk/depression right now.

Last night we drove downtown for the teenager's thing - well it's NEXT week. She wanted to cruise the hood and look for gangbangers however I felt we saw enough homeless people and at least SOME hoodlums so we headed home.

B/F and I were discussing his friend's recent breakup. He talked to his friend about us and said something about me being his soulmate. I did not change the expression on my face but kept listening. I was FLOORED. I'm his soulmate?! I wanted to cry, in a good way. However he also told his friend even if you think someone is your soulmate there are still OTHER potential soulmates out there - I totally agree. For other people, not him. lol

Back to the weight. I don't want to change my weight. But I would eventually like to have a better build, muscles - I would like to be STRONGER when I hit a ball, I would like to FEEL like I could kick some ass if needed.

going home and staying home

After work, if I'm not playing a league sport, or getting home and immediately going to play tennis (shit, I can't even remember what playing tennis IS anymore), I want to STAY home. Take my 2nd quick shower of the day, put my PJ's on and not leave. The kids know if I have to take them somewhere they need to be standing in the driveway WAITING because if mom gets outta the car she's not getting back in again...

Tonight is the first of 2 career classes my 14 year old teenager has. Basically you signed up for job fields you are interested in and then you are matched up to owners/businesses and you visit their company for 2 hours to learn about it, what degree you have to have, you do a "project" so you can get the feel of it, etc. We had to pay $10 per "class" - WTF. Both of the fields she signed up for are in downtown Denver. Ugh, downtown, at night - NOT where I want to be. Downtown is probably 15 minutes from my house, with traffic, double that. So 1 hour to get home, get the kid, drive 30 minutes back downtown - do I drop her off? that doesn't feel safe... do I stay there in the parking lot for 2 hours? - do I keep driving back and forth? I know this will make me cranky, going home, then leaving, then coming back, then leaving again, and again and AGAIN! I just don't wanna do it. We have another one next Monday too... I will have to leave work early each time.

I'm supposed to have a parent/teacher conference this Friday for the 10 year old. I wrote on it please schedule me early morning or after 5 pm. She scheduled me at 3 pm which means I would have to leave work at 2 pm. I can't afford losing 3 hours of my paycheck so I wrote the teacher back - can't do it... please reschedule. I guess if you don't live paycheck to paycheck it's not a big deal, but I'm struggling here... if I have pick between work and sitting in a class for 10 minutes I'll pick work. Most of the teachers I've dealt with eventually we just talk over the phone for conferences... however this is a new year, new grade.

Today - Diet Dr Pepper and doritos. This was my main staple back in High School. And lunch at Carl's Jr - how did I handle eating that every day? Oh yeah, I was 16 and playing vball religiously. Crazy to think about it.

I hate customers. I'm so sick of dealing with people. I don't know what I'm going to do about a new job once my boss retires. I CAN NOT work with customers again. I dread coming into work every day - unless there's a guarantee the phone won't ring. What the hell am I gonna do...

weekend update

Got my $20 back Saturday night, after her kid had already spent the night at my house Friday night and stayed ALL day Saturday. Kids never know when to leave...

Weather sucked. Rain all day Sunday and cold. Did errands most of the time and hung out and watched movies at home.

Hair turned out okay - 2 inches cut off, layered - stripped the red lowlights out, deep conditioning treatment, roots done, now all blonde, TOO much blonde - will have to add some brown lowlights back in next time. I spent THREE hours there, and bless my hairdresser she still only charged me for basically one hour.

Lots of anxiety still. Hate it. I need to mellow the f*ck out...

almost forgot to post

Still haven't received the remaining $20 from that mom. The b/f didn't even have to say I told you so.

I still feel icky - like ALL over. I'm chalking it up to stress and sitting on my ass all day.

The hair appointment is tomorrow.

Boss out of the office today - his wife brought in a small warming pot thing (not a slow cooker, I don't know what it is) with homemade tomato soup so I've been having that ALL day - fab.

I gotta get out and excercise. I want to beat someone's ass - at SOMETHING. All the things I like have fallen by the wayside since I jacked up my back after that tournament. Daily tennis, working on my puzzle (seriously!), reading, crafty stuff... beating my children, ya know the usual. ;)

20 / 20

Yep, only got $20 from that mom so far, supposed to get the other $20 today.

Printed out 3 pics of hair styles to show the b/f for an opinion. "It's your hair, do what you want to do". Uhhh, can you just tell me out of these 3 which you like the best??? "I don't like the one that looks like 70's hair". Gotcha. And not too short. See, I know what I like, but I'm 41 and feel like I'm still stuck in the 80's and since he's 8 years younger than me I think that maybe he'll know what will look better and more CURRENT. But in the end, as he reinforces it, it's what I LIKE, not what he likes.

He likes video games, rap music, fishing, golfing, tennis and pot.

I like crafts, 80's & country music, fishing (because of him), volleyball, tennis and a beer.

We both like porn and having sex - but seem to not watch enough or do enough - what the hell is up with that?! lol

I worried in the beginning about the age difference and not having a lot in common, but we talked nonstop about, nothing, and everything. It's the silly stupid things we do - and the laughing. THANK GOD FOR THE LAUGHING. I said last night we should start having date night "we don't have $ for that". *sigh* So during Hell's Kitchen we started a game throwing popcorn in each other's mouth from opposite sides of the couch and keeping score. Totally awesome, totally fun, total laughing. Perfect. I never had this with the ex. The laughing has got to be the most important part.

you've got spots!

I have a hair appointment this Saturday - highlights again and a cut (thank God for a decent commission check so I could set aside money for this). I have no idea what to do with it. I was trying to grow it long but now it just feels thin and limp. As it gets longer it looks less professional. Layers will make it more full but it'll still be long. Do I chop off a few inches? It doesn't matter what I do because once it's done I'll want to do the opposite. Makes me jealous of the b/f - he shaves his head and doesn't have to worry about it...

At 41 it feels like everything is changing. Thin limp hair, age spots on my face from all those years at the beach (trying the lemon juice trick - we'll see where I'm at in a month), wrinkles, a saggy neck - everything that SCREAMS out to me in the morning YOU'RE OLD! but I probably just look normal. I have to remind myself 10 years from now when I look back I'll think I looked great...

definitely feeling better than 33%

Body is still sore. But then again I haven't done anything - no tennis, no nothing.

I have mentioned quite a few times how broke we are. A friend of my daughter's (who is 10), her mom came to pick her up last night, and asked if she could borrow $40 - she just got back from the ER with her son who had strep and couldn't afford the Rx - she would be able to pay me back the next day. You don't know how good it felt to say YES since normally I would never be able to spare $40 - even for a day. Of course the b/f wasn't happy with this since I loaned money to a friend (like 5 years ago!) and was never paid back. Whatever, no biggie, was happy to help. I remember the days when the twins were just babies and my ex and I were so poor I had to borrow $ just to buy a gallon of milk. Once again, puts life in perspective.

I better get my fucking $ today. lol

Enjoyed Glee. God I wish I could sing. I won't sing in front of anyone, not since the day when I was married and my prick of an ex mentioned I had a horrible singing voice. The one fear I can't get over. Okay, I'll kinda sing in the car with my kids, they don't care. But my b/f is a musical guy, he writes, produces & sings his own music, so I'm just paranoid. I don't care about anything else, I don't care about acting stupid, doing lame accents, lame dance moves, but don't ask me to carry a tune. Ugh.

It's only 70 today. Thought it was gonna be in the 80's again so I am not dressed for this weather. A sundress and white heels (yeah yeah, I don't care about still wearing white). Luckily I have a portable heater at work.

I am swamped at work which means I should stop writing on this blog! Later...

sprouts

I realized this past weekend everyone was probably getting sick of my new recipes a.k.a. experiements i.e. what the hell is this shit? (btw, how do you know when to use a.k.a or i.e.? I'll just throw 'em around randomly). So instead I got our main meals from sam's club - yes, everything frozen. Did try a new store though, Sprouts - kinda like Trader Joe's but no alcohol (W.T.F.)... good deals and I liked the open air-i-ness feel of it.

When youngest daughter and I got back she helped me unload and we watched some PBS - Martin Yan I think it was, visiting China - rice paddies - she asked me where is the rice? I said, uhh in the paddy? I have no idea - is it like one "kernal" thing at the bottom that they pull out attached the green weed thing? I haven't googled it yet. How sad that I have no idea how most of our food grows. Does being a former beach girl give me a pass on being stupid? Before I moved to Colorado I never even visited a farm. The only farm I remember is at the orange county swap meet where there was animals and some food growing in the parking lot. lol. jhc. Oh, maybe some orange trees. That counts, kinda.

I need a book on how things grow. FOOD. The rest I got... ;)

getting thru

the day - not a lot of sleep, throwing up this morning (stress probably?) - body aches all over. I thought worrying about my finances was my biggest problem, not realizing it was my teenage daughter. Really put things in perspective quickly. Her father, who lives in another state, wants to fly out to "support her" - support her being a dumbass? Maybe you should support her when she's a good kid and actually LIVE WHERE SHE LIVES and raise her. Nah, easier to just raise one of the kids - forget about the rest of them.

2 hours to go. I can do this. I think I need a bubble bath tonight and then snuggle up with the kids and watch Glee. I'd snuggle up with the b/f but watching Glee for an hour would be torture for him...

Listen to what I ate yesterday (fooling myself that my body could handle it) - quiznos for lunch with a pepsi (granted I only eat half and save the rest for the next day) and then split a combo mexican food meal (with a coke) with my teenager at a little hole in the wall place for dinner. I don't remember having one piece of fruit or a vegie... ugh, I felt gross afterwards.

Is it Friday yet?

I just can't...

I just can't write a post today. When everything you thought you knew VANISHES you can't put it into words. I'm just at a loss...

1 1/2 hours of freedom

Went to lunch with the boss's wife today (boss is out of town) - was really nice, she's like a second mom to me (since my mom is back home in CA). Amazingly we talked about work the whole time (what the heck?!)... at least she got to write lunch off. I will miss the both of them when they retire next year. I have been lucky to have this job for the last 9 years...

This weekend - HS football game tonight, finish halloween decorations, clean out the garage (for the 10th time), maybe some tennis... have to enjoy the weather before we get our "halloween snow" in a few weeks...